Fire With Fire

Wow. So many things, so little time. And so few with interest enough to actually read this space. Coupled with dwindling motivation and one must begin to ask the question "If a blog is a place that no one reads is it really a blog?" In fact, that very question was posited to me recently by someone commenting on my site. That someone refers to themself as "Jesus Christ." I'm sure they've chosen this name in spite of - or because of - the fact that I am a Christian. I'm sure they find it amusing to post comments on my site masked as the Holy Savior because of my commitment to my faith. In fact, this individual was enjoying the act of commenting on my original site, too. First I got mad, then I just turned the site off in spite of my enjoyment with it. The comments increased in volume and decreased in taste, and eventually I had enough and just shut the site down. Later I re-launched the site under this new domain. Seemed to make more sense anyway, so why not? The posts continued, the tenacity increasing, and the hilariousness of the situation at once became pretty overwhelming to me. After about a year or so of not saying anything about it - keeping in line with the whole "ignore them and they'll go away" notion seemed to be a good idea at the time - I'm ready to speak my mind. Whoever you are, you originally affected me. I've never understood those who walk this earth finding joy in the destruction of the mood of another person. Regrettably, these people have had a pretty adverse affect on me throughout my life; I don't comprehend the notion of reveling in someone else's discomfort and thus fail to comprehend the joy in doing so. So yeah, I was annoyed enough to shut down my site. But I did what I felt was best at the time in not responding. I was right in doing (or rather, not doing) so and in giving myself time to contemplate the behavior "Jesus" was executing. After awhile it became amusing. Think about it like this: There's this person out there who either hates me or Jesus so badly that they felt it requisite to mask their identity in His name for the sole purpose of posting comments on my site. The comments themselves, I noted, were relatively indicative of someone who'd actually taken the time to really read what I was writing. And, as you know, I'm not the most succinct person on the web, so reading my words takes a degree of commitment and time. So this person, posing as Jesus Chris, was spending RAM cycles browsing to my site each day to see if I'd posted. Or at least, every few days. When I would post, they would spend their [I'm guessing here, but this person must be pretty busy, as we all tend to be these days] much-valued personal/work time reading my ramblings thoroughly enough that they'd be able to make inflamatory comments. The more I thought about this, the funnier it became. There is someone out there who gets off on keeping tabs on my site just so they can post hateful things on it. They're going out of their way, while I'm just doing what I do. Pretty funny - they're working to keep up with me. And in not saying anything, my guess is they got even more irritated. So perhaps, addressing it is giving some degree of power to this individual. As if, in a way, they've won by virtue of the fact that I'm giving them the indication that they got what they wanted - a rise out of me. But here's the best part. Whoever you are, you haven't gotten any rises in many months. You haven't stirred me, you haven't done anything save motivate me to pray for you. You're obviously confused, hate me and/or My personal savior enough to spin your wheels, spend your time, and accomplish nothing of value or impact. I ask you, "JC," - what have you really accomplished, now that you know you are as significant to me as is the dead skin on the end of my big toe? Don't allow the fact that I am giving you credit in this post go to your head - I'm writing this because I find it amusing and pitiful; that a human soul could be as tumultuously gripped in anger and resentment to the degree that they would lower themselves to suggest such indecencies as you have suggested. Anonymously, to boot. Though you obviously have such disdain for me and my Savior, you haven't even the courage to claim your own opinions. I am not intimidated by you, I am not annoyed by you, and I have not been rattled by you in some time. I am, I'm happy to say, sorry for you. I pray for you, I pray that you find peace in your own life and no longer in attempting to ruin others' and that you learn the happiness in He whose name you falsely use as your own. -- Why now? Because I've been fighting fire with fire. I've been angry at those who were angry at me and retaliated in childish form at those who childishly attempt to drive me crazy. I've allowed the little things that matter about as much as the dead skin on the end of my big toe affect me to the degree that the big, important things seem like distractions from what matters - the stupid stuff that ticks me off. There's no reason for that sort of behavior, and when you break it down at 7 PM on a Friday night in your head things sometimes fall into place in ways they hadn't prior. I'm not changing myself, or making any promises. I've been trying, as a colleague said once when asked what their goal for the year was that year, "trying to be a better person." Part of that means harboring fewer moments of resentment, seeing the errors in the tantrums and understanding options to them, and continually blowing off the kiddy stuff. Like cowards who lack the courage neccessary to express their emotions like adults do.